Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a controversial conception heating up a debate over whether it is better for youngsters to read stories from a book than watch
televisions
or play video Fix the agreement mistake
television
games
on computer
. I do not have a consensus Add an article
the computer
a computer
with
Change preposition
on
this
idea.
Without a shadow of a doubt, ploughing through a book brings desirable impacts on kids. Reading books
not only helps children improve their knowledge,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
lends them a hand seeking
a tranquil frame of mind after an intimidating studying day. Change preposition
in seeking
For instance
, Doraemon, which is the most well known
comic all over the world for toddlers, can be cited as a compelling example, the young can not only blow up some steam by reading it but Add a hyphen
well-known
also
learn more about friendship. Hence
, flicking through a book could act as a stress reliever after a daunting day.
While
the redeeming features of tasting books
are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if those of watching TV
and playing games
are ignored. Similar to reading books
, being a TV
watcher also
helps children cram into insightful knowledge as well as
let their hair down after an exhausted
day. Replace the word
exhausting
Furthermore
, video games
and TV
shows can also
enhance teenager’s imagination. For example
, Michigan University had done research and concluded that playing games
such
as strategy games
would help adolescents enrich their logical ability. Thus
, television and games
lent a hand in widening their insights.
In conclusion, while
reading books
could expand a kid's range of knowledge and relieve stress, watching TV
and playing games
can also
do those too.Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
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task achievement
Clearly present your opinion at the beginning of your essay to make your stance known to the reader immediately. For a more robust response, reiterate your position clearly in the conclusion to ensure a consistent argument throughout.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a wider range of linking devices and topic sentences to improve the flow between paragraphs and within them. While you've managed to connect ideas reasonably well, a greater variety of transitions would enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. While you've provided some examples, such as Doraemon for reading and Michigan University's research for gaming, further detailed illustrations would strengthen your points and make your essay more persuasive.
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