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Band 4

Nowadays more and more people want to get things done instantly (Services, information, tasks). Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #services #information #tasks #development
Nowadays we live in
the
Correct article usage
an
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 era of immediacy where
people
's patience runs easily.
This
 phenomenon is mainly
to
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 the revolution of
technology
. which I think in my opinion is a positive development.
To begin
 with, The advancement of
technology
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 made our lives much easier and more convenient.
For instance
, If we go back a decade ago
people
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to line up to get tickets for a movie but now we can buy tickets online and even choose the seat that we want. As a
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
result
people
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
costume to immediate
services
 and any delay will make them
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
angry.A recent study that was conducted in THE UK showed that the main reason that individuals
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 become impatient is the advancement of
technology
.
while
technology
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 played a vital role in making
services
 instantly available there are some pros and cons for
this
 shift. The major merit of
this
 phenomenon is that it created more jobs in the customer service industry. Major companies are training and
haring
Correct your spelling
hiring
show examples
 more and more
people
 in order to produce fast and complete
services
such
 as concierge.
However
, one of the drawbacks of
this
 shift is that
people
 have become so dependent on
technology
 and the fast
services
 that it
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 for us to point out that any delay
on
Change preposition
in
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 any
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
 will make them irritable anxious and angry. which will lead to bad and unpolite behaviour.
For example
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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this
 is an incident
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 I have wetness
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my own eyes a man was shouting at a coffee barista because he had to wait for a few minutes to get his coffee because the coffee machine was not working. In conclusion,
although
 there are some cons that come with the convenience that
technology
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 brought us . we can not overlook the many advantages that come with it .
Submitted by ph.amal.just on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically connected throughout the essay.
task achievement
More attention should be given to addressing all parts of the task, including providing a more balanced and developed discussion of both positive and negative aspects of the shift towards immediacy.
lexical resource
Try to expand the range of vocabulary used and ensure that words are appropriately and accurately used in context.
grammatical range
Work on developing more complex sentence structures and use a wider variety of grammatical constructions to demonstrate greater control of grammar.
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