Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

It is believed that
due to
the inexpensiveness and affordability of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
a significant number of mature people are teleworking as Boys and Girls commenced online lessons. Personally, I believe that it is a positive advancement since it results in a wide range of benefits.
Although
, it has its drawbacks.
This
essay will shed light on both sides of the view and provide anecdotal evidence to prove the arguments. On the one hand, the low-priced technology increases individuals' lifestyles.
In other words
, the improvement facilitates the
acquisitions
Fix the agreement mistake
acquisition
show examples
of devices
such
as computers, tablets and other gizmos, and innovates services like working from home and lecturing from households.
For instance
,
four-fifth
Fix the agreement mistake
four-fifths
show examples
of full-time employees these days accomplish their daily duties through the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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, it is pointed out by the new research carried out by the University of Southampton.
As a result
, the world folk
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
not spend a considerable amount of funds
as well as
time.
On the other hand
, the easiness of acquiring technology raises security concerns for children. It facilitates access to forbidden contexts like porn videos.
For example
, today, a quarter of youngsters are
presumable
Replace the word
presumed
show examples
to have mobile phones.
Hence
, they straightforwardly get access to harmful videos through the internet.
Furthermore
, it is the overriding reason for an increased claim from relatives these days. In conclusion, notwithstanding some pitfalls the development results in, it soars
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human beings' life
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
Therefore
, I still believe that it is a positive development.
In addition
, the world-ruling power continues investing in the sector
as well as
instil stricter rules eschewing our children led astray.
Submitted by vascomunguarepenete on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. Make sure to clearly address all parts of the essay prompt and provide a balanced view of both the positive and negative aspects of the development.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by structuring your arguments more cohesively. Use transition words to connect ideas and ensure that each paragraph relates to the overall topic.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
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