IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe zoos, where wild animals are kept in a man-made environment, should no longer exist in the twenty-first century. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #zoos #animals #environment #century
In modern
life
Add a comma
,life
show examples
 it is deemed that zoos for wild
animals
 which are constructed by humans are unacceptable.
However
, from my point of view, it is irrational to prohibit
this
 idea as there could be a situation where an animal needs
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
assistance from
man’s
Correct article usage
a man’s
show examples
 side
such
 as if the animal is injured or because the child was left alone.
First
 of all, it goes without saying that not all wild
animals
 are invincible, both herbivores and carnivores could have attained some wounds.
Although
 they can have minor injuries, in some cases damage can be dangerous to their lives. As an illustration, a
turtle
 has almost died because of strangulation from a plastic bottle. Some people, after noticing a struggle from a
turtle
, started to accurately remove plastic parts, but
then
 a
turtle
 was not able to swim for some period of time and it was sent into the local zoo for
further
 retirement. Two months later, the
turtle
 was fresh and returned to its normal conditions.
On the other hand
, in some
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
 there might be a possibility that the parents of certain
animals
 have abandoned their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 or
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were assassinated by the predators.
Consequently
, it causes young beings to end up alone without the knowledge of
this
 world,
as a result
, creatures are not capable to adapt
wild
Add an article
the wild
show examples
 environment.
This
 is when zoos are the most effective suggestion for it.
For instance
, Toronto Zoo has been operating since the 20th century and they have been providing an animal care program which included a basic supply towards the animal and they were moderately giving a tangible knowledge about wildlife for
animals
 which helped them to have an adaptation after being released. To top it off, zoos are
leading
Correct article usage
the leading
show examples
 solution for those
animals
 who are
badly-wounded
Correct your spelling
badly wounded
show examples
 or discarded.
Moreover
, these places guarantee the safety of all creatures and after
retirement
Add a comma
,retirement
show examples
 they discharge them to experience a
real
Replace the word
really
show examples
 wild lifestyle.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: