Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their family. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Children
have much free time to do on their
age
. It comes up with their
eagerment
Correct your spelling
engagement
agreement
to know every little
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
show examples
that suit them, especially when it comes to
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
social
Add an article
a social
show examples
connection,
such
as playing with their
friends
at the same
age
.
For instance
, parents should pay more attention to
children
's activities so they can process what is good and what is bad for them. Some people believe that
children
should have more time with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
to minimize negative impacts that would hurt or
bad
Add a missing verb
be bad
show examples
for them. It believes their family can teach them good
things
, so in the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
they will become someone with good manners and can make positive impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
For example
,
children
at
age
5 to 11 still do not know how to do some
things
correctly so in
this
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
their family can help them to learn better by spending their free time with their
children
.
Altough
Correct your spelling
Although
this
seems good, as a human,
children
still have to spend with others. As a part of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
,
children
also
need to socialize with their
friends
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
their
age
. Socializing can be helpful for them in the future when they have to work together with others.
For example
,
children
that usually
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
with their
friends
can build their communication ways and create social bonds between them.
Thus
, they will have better sympathy in the future that help society to be better. Aside from
this
, they
also
can release their stress and it will lead to
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
them happier. To conclude that,
altough
Correct your spelling
although
children
is a pure little thing that still
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
learn so
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
things
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
their family, they
also
have to know what freedom is.
For example
by playing with their
friends
at the same
age
.
This
will not only help how they grow up
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
create their sympathy towards each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.
Besides
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that, they will learn how to work together and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
good communication ways.

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fosters
  • Sense of belonging
  • Transmission
  • Cultural and moral values
  • Overdependence
  • Hinder
  • Social development
  • Autonomy
  • Well-rounded development
  • Invaluable
  • Emotional and moral development
  • Self-reliance
  • Diverse interests
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