IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being sellf-employed?

#people #work #company #organisation #be #case
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In
this
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 day and age, a significant number of
people
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 decide to become
self
Use synonyms
-occupied as they believe that they can improve
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 standard of living. Regarding
this
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, there are some drawbacks.
This
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 essay will outline why they choose to be
self
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-employed
,
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apply
show examples
 and suggest disadvantages which should be taken into consideration. On the one hand, it is generally acknowledged by certain individuals that they can manage their
time
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 flexibly, thereby leading to the
enhance
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enhancement
show examples
 of the standard of living. As
people
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 who have their own
business
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 are able to set working
time
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 and vacation by themselves, they can balance work and life efficiently.
For example
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, a survey conducted by the Korea Labour Foundation has revealed that almost 20% of the public desires to become
self
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-occupied men since they can spend more
time
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 on their leisure
time
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 to be satisfied. As the example clearly illustrates, not only can
versatil
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versatile
sckedule
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schedule
 be a key factor in improving job
satisfection
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satisfaction
, but it may
also
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increasing
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increase
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 the standard of living.
On the other hand
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,
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self employed
Add a hyphen
self-employed
show examples
people
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 tend to easily face financial difficulties as their
business
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 is affected by the issues of society. If their country experiences economic recession,
Use synonyms
self occupied
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self-occupied
show examples
 citizens are hard to maintain their
working
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work
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.
For instance
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, recent media in Korea reports that about 15% of
self
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Use synonyms
business
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businesses
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 have suffered from
bankrupcy
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bankruptcy
 during the COVID 19 pandemic.
Hence
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, it is
resonable
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reasonable
 to point out that having own
business
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 is
more risky
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riskier
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 than working at a big company.
Furethermore
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Furthermore
, the scarcity of
idea
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ideas
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 is crucial
drowback
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drawback
 as they live in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
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fast-faced
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fast-paced
show examples
 world which is very competitive, they always need outstanding ideas to be survived. Major companies generally support their subordinates by giving ideas, but
people
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 who work in
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self
Add an article
the self
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business
Use synonyms
 have to be creative by themselves.
Therefore
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, if they cannot have extraordinary marketing, they will fail to compete with other businesses. In conclusion, while I accept that there is an advantage to
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
show examples
 versatile
skedule
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schedule
 by
becoing
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becoming
being
Use synonyms
self occupied
Add a hyphen
self-occupied
show examples
, there is no doubt to point out that risks are undeniable.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
What to do next:
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