IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that success is the best measure of intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

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Some folks argue that brilliance can be measured by the number of achievements
while
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 others disagree with
this
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 argument. In my opinion,
Although
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 brilliance plays an important part in accomplishment, progress is not always
due to
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 smartness.
This
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 essay will discuss the idea that smart people are not necessarily victorious
due to
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 many different reasons.
To begin
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 with, a successful individual requires consistency, hard performance and other qualities which an intelligent person may not want to implement in their lives.
For instance
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, in my ,office there are many employees who are brilliant enough to gain promotions but they decide to continue to
task
Wrong verb form
tasks
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 in the same position because they are not ready to perform hard and handle pressure.
Therefore
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 , smartness cannot be measured by progress. Some people simply choose an easy path.
Further
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, financial conditions can
also
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 prevent a smart body
to be
Change preposition
from being
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 triumphant. If someone wants to
production on
Wrong verb form
produce
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 something, he needs sources and the material for that field.
For example
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, if someone wants to be a doctor, he needs a huge amount of money to go for his degree.
Hence
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,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of money can serve as a bridge between a smart character and his victory.
Moreover
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, the other sharp-minded persons might not have the right connections.
This
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 can be a hurdle in the way of their progress. In conclusion, I would say that smartness plays
important
Correct article usage
an important
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 role in being successful but intelligence cannot be measured by the number of accomplishments. There are other requirements to reach a goal like monetary needs, friend circle and the urge to do.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the main point of the essay and maintains a logical flow of ideas throughout.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments. Make sure your ideas are fully developed and relevant to the topic.
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