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Band 4.5

Some people think hard work and determination bring sucess. Others think other factors such as money and good appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #work #determination #sucess #factors #money #appearance
It is believed that
success
 depends on hard-working and determination, while others claim that
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 salary and appearance are more important to be successful. I believe that both two motivations are important to reach goals and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will discuss both these points of view and give my opinion. On the one hand, some
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 who want to be a scientist or famous
actress
Fix the agreement mistake
actresses
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 are eager to study more than ordinary
people
. These extraordinary persons are keen on studying and doing experiments rather than building a family, participating in social events or hanging out with their friends. Thanks to these kinds of talented individuals, we have a variety of technological developments like the internet which provide numerous knowledge. If they were not so passionate about learning and searching, today most of
machines
Correct article usage
the machines
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 and devices we take for granted would not
invented
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be invented
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.
For instance
, the invention of some vaccination was not for saving money, it is done for saving human life and serving them
more
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apply
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healthier life.
Therefore
, hardworking and determination are important motivations for having
success
.
On the other hand
, most
people
 are not happy with their jobs because of their low salary, so they do not show more effort to proceed in their area, and
eventually
Add a comma
,eventually
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 they have to experience
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
failure.
However
, if managers
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 their employees enough money to live in luxury and better job opportunities, they will become more enthusiastic to be involved in projects and take more responsibilities.
Consequently
,
this
 wealthy lifestyle makes
people
 feel unstressed and they would think about new ideas and solutions.
Thus
, the amount of salary and living conditions are substantial elements leading
people
 to
success
. To recapitulate, there are a variety of factors leading
people
 to get
success
. While some
people
 give more value to money, some are passionate about research.
Consequently
, all of these make their own contribution to
success
.
Submitted by fatmaymc23 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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