IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People should look after their health because this is a duty to the society not just a personal benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #health #duty #society
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Some believe that
people
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 should take care of their
health
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 not
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
be a cause
 of personal benefits just because it is a duty to the community. As far as I am concerned, I totally agree with
this
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 idea. In
this
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essays
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essay
show examples
, I will point out some of my reasons
about
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for
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 my agreement.
First
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 of all, being healthy is the best gift from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature.
Health
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 is very important to have a clean,fresh and happy
society
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.
In addition
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,
human
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humans
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 are the only
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one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 that can make
the
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a
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 better community. Since
people
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 are living on the earth, breathing the air
that is
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 provided by the earth and eating foods that are supplied, they have
duty
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a duty
the duty
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 to take care of the
society
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 they live and staying healthily is
one
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 of the best solutions of looking after their towns. It is undeniable fact that the healthier the
people
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, the better the
enviorment
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environment
. What is more, illness can bring a lot of disadvantages to
the
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apply
show examples
society
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.
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?
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For instance
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,
people
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 who have a
seious
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serious
 disease may release their virus and bacteria through coughing to other
people
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 leading unhealthy
enviorment
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environment
.
Moreover
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, there is no doubt that developed countries are healthier countries. They can make more investment into big business since they do not need to spend extra money
for
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on
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healthy
Replace the word
health
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 problems. On the
one
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 hand,
obseity
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obesity
 is
one
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 of the popular issues in most cities resulting not only
the
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in the
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 increase of death but
also
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Add a hyphen
body-shaming
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body
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in body
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 shaming which lead to
toxic
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a toxic
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society
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. In conclusion,
although
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health
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bring
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brings
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 joyful and personal benefits, it is not the only reason that
people
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 should look after their
health
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.
People
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 should bear in their mind that staying healthily is
also
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 their duty to the place they live.
Submitted by tthoon21 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • duty
  • well-being
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • productive
  • economy
  • example
  • empower
  • informed choices
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