IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

#children #exercise #responsibility #parents #schools #waste #school #time #sports #lessons #part #curriculum
The given line graph depicts the variation in
population
 from the
year
 2000 to
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 time and
also
 provides the forecast till the
year
 2050 in
India
 and
China
. Overall, both countries are projected to have an equal
population
 in the
year
 2030. From
then
 on,
India
’s
population
 will continue to increase. Whereas,
China
 will show a declining trend.
Firstly
, between 2000-2020 both the countries showed a gradual increase in the number of
people
, with
China
 having a higher
population
 in comparison to
India
. In 2000,
India
 had a
population
 of 1000
billion
 which increased
year
 on
year
 by about 100
billion
, registering a little more than 1300
billion
people
 in 2020. At the same time,
China
’s
population
 stood at over 1200
billion
 in the
year
 2000, increasing steadily to a little over 1400
billion
 in 2020. The gap considerably
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 by approximately 100
billion
 from the
year
 2000. In the
year
 2030, both
China
 and
India
 are forecasted to have the same number of
people
 residing in their respective countries. The figures
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 would be over 1400
billion
.
However
, from
then
 on,
China
 will undergo a slump in its
population
, declining steadily to just under 1400
billion
 in the
year
 2050., While
India
 will continue its upward trend reaching 1600
billion
people
 in 2050, 200
billion
 more than that of
China
.
Submitted by amritdutta90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured environment
  • inclination
  • teamwork
  • sportsmanship
  • cooperation
  • academic time
  • intellectual development
  • after-school activities
  • relegated
  • family bond
  • supervised
  • well-being
  • equipment
  • expertise
  • professional physical education teachers
  • safe and beneficial
What to do next:
Look at other essays: