IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Reasearch indicates that the charactoristics we are born with have much influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influencer?

#reasearch #charactoristics #influence #personality #development #experiences #life #influencer
It is stated that one's character is more influenced by birth
traits
 than the
experiences
 in
life
.
However
, while I believe in my opinion, birth
traits
 do have an effect, I agree that
experiences
 in
life
 have a greater
influence
.
Firstly
, a child's character is greatly influenced by values
such
 as socialising skills, learning right from wrong, prioritising of school work, which is few to name,
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
 by the parents. For example, many studies have shown, Asian parents are strict,
thus
 countries
such
 as Japan has one f the most disciplined cultures in the world.
Hence
, it is clear that children are not born with
such
 high discipline, but it is the
influence
 of the environment that encourages
such
 behaviour.
Secondly
, competitiveness in one's
personality
 is a direct result of environmental
influence
. May it be work or at school, the organization determines the culture it promoted,
thus
 influencing its all participant's character for both survival and prosperity. For instant private sector employees are more productive and efficient than the government sector
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the private sector is driven by heavy competition leading to changes in the
personality
 to survive and rise in
such
 an environment.
Nonetheless
, there are born
traits
 that have
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
personality
 too. Characteristics
such
 as caring, generosity and empathy are a few, people are born with. Inculcating
such
traits
 by
experiences
 in
life
 is a rare situation. Not all rich people donate to charities, which is a good example of
this
.
Hence
, it is seen that the characteristics we are born with
also
influence
 our
personality
. To sum up, I agree that,
experiences
 in
life
 has more effect in moulding a
personality
 because it encourages behaviour, needs to survive and prosper in
life
, more than characteristics we are born with.
Submitted by kanchanal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: