IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task Write about the following topic: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #people #music #cultures #ages
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It is undeniable, that
music
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 is one of the tools to build
a
Remove the article
apply
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familiarity in the past. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. In my
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
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, it can convey emotions and feelings to
audience
Add an article
an audience
the audience
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 of the society.In the following paragraphs, the reasons to support my opinion will
be outline
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be outlined
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.
To begin
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 with the advantages of
music
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, I think
music
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 can make a relationship between
people
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 all around the world.
Although
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 it has different ages, nationalities and
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
listen to
music
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, their feeling will be better. For
the
Correct article usage
apply
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example, the woman who will be a mom in the future can
use
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music
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 to join between mom and her baby. I have
khown
Correct your spelling
known
 about how to make the patients feel better and some cases of the hospital, the doctors will
use
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music
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 for them.
Moreover
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, now we do not
use
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music
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 only
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for human
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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, but we can
also
Linking Words
use
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 it with animals and plants.
Additionally
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, we can join and listen together when we like the same kind of
music
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,
therefore
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, the
people
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 who are different can be preached and shared some part of the difference. One more example, I have
friend
Add an article
a friend
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 and she is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 foreigner. She is around 23 years old and like to
tolisten
Correct your spelling
listen
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Thai
Change preposition
to Thai
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 songs or learn
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Thai
Change the article
the Thai
show examples
 language now because she used to be my roommate and I usually open
Thai
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 songs.
Finally
Linking Words
, she became absorbed and can sing
Thai
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 songs. In conclusion,
music
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 can make the advantage with the
people
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 who are different of the society because it has some power to make human's mind and feeling.
Additionally
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, it can make a good relationship between
people
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.
Submitted by belleyuykb on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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