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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family?

#majority #children #grandparents #fact #parents
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There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over a domestic problem, which is that offspring have to live with their
grandparents
.
This
 essay is dedicated to analysing some effects of
this
 issue. Without a shadow of a doubt, there are various effects that can be caused by
this
 dire problem, one of which
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 the toddlers’ lack of love from their
parents
. Even though they live with their grandmothers and grandfathers, adolescents still need care and love from their moms and dads, which they obviously don’t have in situations like these.
For instance
, in Japan where most families are extended family, the number of teenagers
Correct your spelling
committed
commit
commited
Correct pronoun usage
who commited
show examples
 suicide for being under pressure for too long and lack of love from their
parents
 are ever-increasing. Overall, it is safe to say that living with
grandparents
 can bring back many negative impacts on children. In terms of
grandparents
, they will have to spend almost all of their quality time
to look
Change the verb form
looking
show examples
 after their grandson and granddaughter.
As a result
, they will not have much free time to do exercises or pick up their hobby namely cooking or knitting. Regarding
parents
, they have to focus on their line of career, which means they can not take care of their kids.
For instance
, Japanese workers always suffer from heavy workloads so they need their
parents
 to do
this
 for them, which is a common sight in
this
 country. On the whole, there are
also
 a wealth of effects on both
grandparents
 and
parents
.
Correct your spelling
After all
show examples
Afterall
Correct your spelling
After all
show examples
, letting the
grandparents
 look after their grandchildren while
parents
 are busy with their occupation can have some negative impacts on the whole family.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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