Multicultural societies, where people of different groups live together, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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With the development of globalization, some people think that a group composed of diverse backgrounds and cultures who live together

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

more positive outcomes than negative impacts on a country. I personally agree with the statement and present some points in favour of it.

To begin

Linking Words

with, the foremost point in

the

Correct article usage

apply

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favour of benefits is that the mingling of living in a diverse environment,

tend

Correct subject-verb agreement

tends

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to enhance

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

peaceful coexistence. It means that they are more conscious of religious rituals, food, clothes, and

language

Fix the agreement mistake

languages

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of different ethnicities.

Therefore

Linking Words

such

Linking Words

individuals are more sympathetic and welcoming than those who have never been exposed to these cultures. Australia,

for instance

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, has accepted people of distinctive cultural backgrounds

such

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as Italy, Greece, Germany, and the Netherlands and they have easily assimilated with the native population. Moving

further

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this

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phenomenon offers an opportunity to enjoy different festivals

such

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as Eid, Christmas, and Passover which facilitated them to celebrate together.

This

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builds a sense of unity in society.

Also

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, the diversity of food is a source of social cohesion among multiple ethnic groups.

For example

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, nowadays, people can enjoy

Chines

Correct your spelling

Chinese

show examples

, Japanese,

Korean

Correct word choice

and Korean

show examples

foods

along with

Linking Words

Indonesia

Correct your spelling

Indonesian

show examples

cousins so

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

those provide a folk of groups to

site

Correct your spelling

sit

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at one place and enjoy meals.

To sum up

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, I would like to reaffirm my stand in favour of multicultural ethnicities and the benefits they offer over a single group including strengthening the unity in diversity in order to build the peace better and to share their customs.

Wed Mar 16 2022

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your main points and their explanations are clearly aligned and logically ordered throughout the essay.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples or data to reinforce your argument, which would strengthen your task achievement score.

task achievement

Your essay clearly states a position on the topic, agreeing with the statement about multicultural societies.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-formed, presenting and summarizing your main argument effectively.

task achievement

You give relevant examples, such as the example of Australia, which illustrate the benefits of multicultural societies.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural exchange
cultural fabric
traditions and perspectives
innovation
economic growth
social cohesion
tolerance and understanding
unity in diversity
cultural clashes
language barriers
multilingualism
integration
translation services
prejudice
diversity

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