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Band 4.5

Some people believe that teenager should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time . This can be benefit teenagers and the community as well . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenager #community #work #time #benefit #teenagers
Few people consider
pupils
 should unpaid
soical
Correct your spelling
social
work
 on their free time.These would be beneficial for students as well as society. I firmly agree with the notion to a large extent.
Reason
Correct article usage
The reason
show examples
 for my perception will
be discuss
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be discussed
show examples
further
.
To begin
 with, why
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should do social unpaid
work
, to answer it, can develop
skills
,to explain it, regarding it have to communicate with other and have to talk with individuals, some
skills
 like verbal
skills
 developed by it and
also
 some other as removed speaking fear.
For example
,
pupils
 can talk with tribal people and
convence
Correct your spelling
convince
convenience
 them to send their children school and can explain profit of education for future.Regarding
this
type
Add a comma
,type
show examples
work
 can treat themselves for future.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 it gives
mind
Add an article
a mind
the mind
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of
Change preposition
apply
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peace and pleasure.
For instance
, in
Change the capitalization
China
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china
Add a comma
,china
show examples
 many
people's
Change noun form
people
show examples
 do unpaid
work
 only for happiness and
peaceThere
Correct your spelling
peace there
peace here
 for
learner
Fix the agreement mistake
learners
show examples
 definitely should
social
Add a missing verb
do social
show examples
work
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
after school or free time.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would not overlook the darker side, if they do social
work
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 it can
distracted
Change the verb form
distract
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their mind
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 to Study.To explicate it,
pupils
 do study and unpaid
work
 back to back may be effected study as well as results,with
pressure
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the pressure
a pressure
show examples
 of parents , teacher and
this
work
 they get tired.
Moreover
, without any
payment
Add a comma
,payment
show examples
 they should not do
work
 because nowadays
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of unemployed increasing swiftly. If
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 do
payment
Replace the word
pay
show examples
 for it so they can do it To conclude, It is true that without wages
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 is unfair with
pupils
. But regarding unpaid social
work
 can improve growth as well as many
skills
 can be developed like verbal skill, it gives
fullfiment
Correct your spelling
fulfilment
 and happiness.
Submitted by Farhanamodi28 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • community service
  • empathy
  • real-world issues
  • problem-solving skills
  • social skills
  • networks
  • constructive
  • detrimental activities
  • college applications
  • job resumes
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