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Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high kevel of sugar, which causes many health problem. Sugary product should be made more expensive to encourage peopleto consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #kevel #sugar #health #product #peopleto
Food and beverage are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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well-known businesses in
this
 new generation. The majority of people try to upsell their
products
 in the
foodcourt
Correct your spelling
food court
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. In my point of view, sugary
products
 should not be made more expensive to the public.
This
 essay will simplify
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my disagreement on
this
 topic.
To begin
 with,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would say that many people still consider that sweet product as their dopamine. Individuals would look for sweets whenever they get depressed to make their feelings back to normal.
However
, knowing that too many sugary
products
 will affect our health problems
such
 as obesity and diabetes, there is nothing wrong with consuming
this
 toxic product as long as we can control it. Affordable prices are still required for many communities.
On the contrary
, there will always come a solution for every issue.
For instance
, people should do more exercise to maintain a healthy mind and physic. And
also
 customers should have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
concerned
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the nutrition of a package they buy especially when they starve for sweet
products
. Not many
products
 provide the correct information on the back of the label.
This
 can be said that buyers are often misguided by it.
Hence
, the government and product factories should work together to handle
this
 issue and make it transparent so the consumers are able to count its sugar. In conclusion, despite sweet production
contains
Wrong verb form
containing
show examples
 a high level of sugar, there is no need to make it more expensive as long as we can control to consume it.
Submitted by putri.andhiyani on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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