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Writing Samples
Band 4

What are some ways that you could change your food and physical activity choices to lower your own risk of a specific chronic disease?

#change #food #activity #choices #risk #disease
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In all different kinds of diseases, I would like to reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease (
CVD
Use synonyms
).
CVD
Use synonyms
 is one of the four main chronic diseases in the world and it will lead to death. It is caused by various factors
such
Linking Words
 as high
blood
Use synonyms
 pressure, high glucose sodium and cholesterol level in
Use synonyms
blood
Correct article usage
the blood
show examples
. As I do not have a healthy lifestyle, I would like to change it in order to prevent
from
Correct pronoun usage
me from
show examples
 suffering from
CVD
Use synonyms
. I would like to change my diet to the Mediterranean diet (MedDiet) supplemented with extra virgin olive oil or mixed nuts. I will intake vegetables (200g per
day
Use synonyms
), fruit (100g per
day
Use synonyms
),
fish
Use synonyms
 (100g serves >3
/
Use synonyms
wk), nuts (113g per week) and use extra virgin olive oil (>4tbs
/
Use synonyms
day
Use synonyms
) for cooking.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I will intake less saturated,
Add a hyphen
trans-fatty
show examples
trans- fatty
Correct your spelling
trans-fatty
show examples
 acids
such
Linking Words
 as butter, margarine, cream (<1
/
Use synonyms
day
Use synonyms
), I will
also
Linking Words
 eat less red meat and processed food (<1
/
Use synonyms
day
Use synonyms
). The
fish
Use synonyms
 in MedDiet is rich in Omega 3 fatty acids, which can help thin the
blood
Use synonyms
 and improve the elasticity of
vessel
Correct article usage
the vessel
show examples
. It can prevent
blood
Use synonyms
 clots from forming so it will not block the
blood
Use synonyms
 flow.
As a result
Linking Words
, MedDiet can reduce
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of
blood
Use synonyms
 pressure and prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
CVD
Use synonyms
. For physical activities, I would like to do moderate aerobic
exercise
Use synonyms
 for at least 7 hours per week.
Although
Linking Words
 the minimum is 150 minutes per week, I would like to work out longer as I seldom have the chance to move around. Regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 can prevent
CVD
Use synonyms
 as it has different beneficial effects on heart and
blood
Use synonyms
 vessels,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 it can reduce
blood
Use synonyms
 pressure, glucose level and induces many positive metabolic changes in
long
Add an article
the long
show examples
 term. The factors that affect my diet and
exercise
Use synonyms
 plan are
time
Use synonyms
 and money. As a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 student, I often find it difficult to find
time
Use synonyms
cooking
Change the verb form
to cook
show examples
 and
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 ingredients, I
also
Linking Words
 do not have
time
Use synonyms
 for
exercise
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it would still be easy for me to overcome these difficulties, I could improve
time
Use synonyms
 management like reducing screen
time
Use synonyms
 and making timetables
Time
Use synonyms
 can be made by prioritising physical activity over spending
time
Use synonyms
 watching TV
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 while jogging to school
instead
Linking Words
 of walking is
also
Linking Words
 an effective method to overcome lack of
time
Use synonyms
. Money is
also
Linking Words
 another factor that
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 my decision. As many ingredients
such
Linking Words
 as extra virgin olive oil and
fish
Use synonyms
 are quite expensive, I may choose to consume some cheaper food.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 I will have to pay for the membership fee when going to the gym room,
this
Linking Words
 may lower my motivation to work out. I can overcome the difficulties by finding alternatives,
for example
Linking Words
, buying “less popular”
fish
Use synonyms
 varieties and buying
fish
Use synonyms
 when it is in peak seasons makes the price cheaper.
Besides
Linking Words
, I could do
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as yoga at home without using any equipment, running around the park is
also
Linking Words
 a good way to
exercise
Use synonyms
 rather than going to the gym,
this
Linking Words
 can reduce the money
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by chloelwy3905 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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