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Band 4

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families, individuals, and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #impact #families #individuals #society
It
suggested
Add a missing verb
was suggested
show examples
 by dieticians that we should consume less fast
food
 in our daily life and I am totally on their side.
What my
Correct pronoun usage
My
show examples
 opinion is that we should spend more
time
 on traditional cuisine
instead
 of fast
food
. One possible problem is that eating too much fast
food
 brings
reverse
Correct article usage
a reverse
show examples
 impact on one's health, especially those who are not fans of
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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 and take fast
food
 frequently. According to
scienfic
Correct your spelling
scientific
 statistics, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 much more heat in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
,
such
 as fry chips, baken chicken and so on, than fruits and vegetables, so it is easy to lead to an obesity problem for one who
enjoy
Change the verb form
enjoys
show examples
 fast
food
 too often. As we all
known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
, heart attack, high blood pressure and many
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
other chronic diseases can be caused by obesity.
Addition
Change preposition
In addition
show examples
 to that, taking fast
food
 outside will definitely make a reduction of people's family reunion
time
 with family members. Cooking
food
 and sharing with families at home was extremely relaxing and pleasurable, it will
also
 contribute to a better relationship with them. While eating fast
food
 in the restaurant is difficult to achieve the same effect, people usually finish their dinner
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a fast pace speed and goes out of the restaurant.
Nevertheless
, we can see some benefits of fast
food
 at the same
time
 when we don't have
adequent
Correct your spelling
adequate
time
 to enjoy a meal and need to go back to the workplace as quick as possible, the
time
-saving fast
food
 can fill out stomach in
time
. In conclusion, the disadvantages of having fast
food
 surpass its benefits, especially for personal health and family relationship, though it is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 option for us when people don't have
time
 to cook themselves.
Submitted by zhouhao on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Impact
  • Nutritious
  • Cultural heritage
  • Identity
  • Economic implications
  • Locally sourced
  • Social cohesion
  • Environmental degradation
  • Obesity
  • Heart diseases
  • Diabetes
  • Cultural transmission
  • Convenience
  • Traditional dishes
  • Biodiversity
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