IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #exercise #health #diet
Everyone wants to be healthy and there are diverse opinions on how to stay healthy. While some
people
 think the cardinal factor behind
this
 is
exercise
, others feel that a balanced
diet
 is more significant. Both views are topical in nature, and
hence
 a logical conclusion can be framed only after a thorough discussion. On the one hand, the former group focuses on the difficulties a person might experience in his life if he abstains from
exercise
. To be clearer,
exercise
 is obviously beneficial for the mind and body, and it is scientifically proven that sedentary life is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a person’s
health
.
For example
, there are a number of
people
 who suffer from
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 diseases like obesity and hypertension irrespective of age and gender just because they hesitate to do
exercise
.
However
, in the case of a person who does regular
exercise
, the situation is different, as he is found to be in a sound state of
health
.
On the other hand
, the opposite group opines that having a balanced
diet
 is even more significant. The prime reason why they think is because of the poor quality food that
people
 consume these days. In many markets or shopping malls, organic food products and food
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are free from adulteration or chemicals are hardly found. Many
researches
Change the wording
types of research
pieces of research
kinds of research
show examples
 have proven that a
diet
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is balanced in vitamins and minerals, which is free from any adulteration is essential to keep
people
 healthy. While accepting that
exercise
 is crucial in maintaining good
health
, they feel it alone cannot ensure good
health
. After analysing both these views in detail, I think both these factors cannot stand independently in
health
 maintenance. At the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 I should accept the fact that a balanced
diet
 is more important in
this
 case.
Submitted by ekberzade.sebune on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: