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Band 4.5

In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

#countries #people #areas
There is a
controvesial
Correct your spelling
controversial
 statement heating a debate over the fact that citizens of the countryside have a tendency to
mitigrate
Correct your spelling
migrate
mitigate
 from their hometowns to big
cities
.
This
 paragraph will discuss the reasons
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
 to
this
 trend as well as several issues
this
 may cause. It is undoubted that life in urban
areas
 is appealing due to many aspects.
Cities
 have more education and job opportunities than in
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
, which usually
speacialize
Correct your spelling
specialize
specialise
 in agricultural and some traditional lines of career.
For instance
, the National Economic University, which is one of the top ranks universities,
located
Add a missing verb
is located
show examples
 in Hanoi and have another branch in Ho Chi Minh city, both of which are all large
cities
.
Thus
,
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 access to knowledge as well as finding a decent career is easier in urban
areas
 than in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
.
On the other hand
, the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in the number of people moving to big
cities
 contributes to a considerable amount of serious
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Firstly
, overpopulation, which
already
Add a missing verb
is already
show examples
 a pressing issue in big
cities
, will be more urgent due to the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
mitigrators
Correct your spelling
mitigators
.
Secondly
, the overload of schools and offices will worsen the fight for a vacancy, so many people
Correct your spelling
migrate
mitigate
mitigrate
Correct pronoun usage
who mitigrate
show examples
 to urban
areas
 will take a risk of being redundant.
For example
, the
unbiquitous
Correct your spelling
ubiquitous
 university exam in Shanghai, China have wiped out many dreams of students who felt
this
 test.
Lastly
, because of the going up in the number of inhabitants,
cities
 will have to deal with many
eviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 matters and the lack of living places. In conclusion, despite having a considerable amount of
appelling
Correct your spelling
appealing
appalling
 aspects, the increasing number of citizens can
caused
Change the verb form
cause
be caused
show examples
 alarming problems to the society.
Submitted by van.ngh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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