Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful, Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The criteria to be a successful
person
vary from
person
to
person
. it is reckoned by a section of
society
that earning huge money
considers
Wrong verb form
is considered
show examples
as the criteria to assess a
person
's success.
However
, others find it challenging to considers concur with it because they feel that success depends upon the contribution to
society
. I endorse the latter view in the statement wholeheartedly.
This
essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
attempt to explicate both views
as well as
my opinion in the forthcoming at
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
length. On the one hand, there are several reasons why
people
consider individuals more successful who earn a lot. The first and foremost reason is that rich
people
receive respect in
society
and are admired by many youngsters.
Secondly
, the rich
person
can live a luxurious
life
and a high living standard which is the dream of most
people
. To exemplify, executives of a large organization are considered successful by some
people
, proving that earning a handsome salary makes the individual successful.
On the other hand
, others believe that contributing the
society
is key to being successful in
life
. The reason behind
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
show examples
that many
people
such
as doctors,
scientists
Correct word choice
and scientists
show examples
do a lot of hard work to contribute the
society
. They leave footprints on the heart of the
people
by their contribution to
society
and
people
remember them hundreds of years after their death. To exemplify,
people
still remember the great scientist APJ Abdul Kalam and still respect him a lot, proving that contributing to
society
makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
successful.
To conclude
, even though many
people
believe that earning more
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
the individual successful because he can afford
luxury
Replace the word
a luxurious
show examples
life
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I believe that contribution is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
important factor
to be
Change preposition
in being
show examples
successful in
life
.
Submitted by rattankumar9771 on

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, but the argumentation and reasoning could be more developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a clear logical structure and presents a good introduction and conclusion. However, the use of supporting examples and linking ideas could be strengthened for better coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial prosperity
  • capitalizing
  • luxury travel
  • exclusive experiences
  • contributions to society
  • humanitarian workers
  • lasting impact
  • highly subjective
  • cultural, societal, and personal values
  • comfort and security
  • deeper personal satisfaction
  • holistic understanding
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