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Band 5

“In some countries, criminal trials are shown on television for public. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?”

#“in #countries #trials #television
There is a controversial statement heating a debate over the fact that offenders participate in
television
 shows that
be broadcasted
Wrong verb form
are broadcast
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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 the public in some nations.
While
 every trend
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 its pros and cons and
this
 is not an exception, I believe that the drawback outweighs its counterpart. It is undoubted that allowing perpetrators to be shown on media platforms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 several advantages. People usually see trials as dangerous and redundant individuals in society,
although
 they have profoundly fixed their mistakes so
witness
Wrong verb form
witnessing
show examples
criminals
 under a different image can help the public understand what they have been through.
For example
, many offenders from American
television
 shows about crime declared that the programmes have helped them to get a job and be accepted in society again.
Thus
, having shows about perpetrators can do wonders for some forgivable lives.
On the other hand
,
television
 broadcasting is a common media platform on a daily basis so the
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 that
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 shown on it
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be strictly controlled or it will lead to several pressing problems.
Firstly
, children can watch programmes about
criminals
, and they will think that breaking
Correct article usage
the laws
show examples
laws
Fix the agreement mistake
law
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 is an ordinary action because many people
did
Wrong verb form
have done
show examples
 it already.
For instance
, many young
criminals
 in the USA said that they have watched crime-related shows.
Secondly
, the workshop of an offender sometimes involves violent aspects, which will create negative impacts on the public.
Lastly
,
this
 trend can be an opportunity for
criminals
try
Fix the infinitive
to try
show examples
 to fool the citizen in order to re-offend.
Hence
, it is not a wise decision to let perpetrators be shown on
television
. In conclusion, despite having some positive impacts, I believe that allowing
criminals
 to be
broadcasted
Wrong verb form
broadcast
show examples
 on
television
 harms the morale of society.
Submitted by van.ngh on

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task response
The essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the topic and maintains a logical structure throughout. It includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the response lacks depth and fails to fully address the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates an adequate use of cohesive devices to link ideas within and between sentences. However, there are some issues with the logical flow of ideas. More effective use of linking words and phrases would improve coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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