IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Governments should stop spending money on their armed forces. To what extent do you agree?

As citizens come to rely more on
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of
transportation
Use synonyms
, nowadays it plays a vital role in
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of people`s life. In
multitude
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the multitude
a multitude
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 of
societies
Add a comma
,societies
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 it has often been argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 authorities should invest a large amount of money from
country`s
Correct article usage
the country`s
show examples
 budget on high-speed trains which are known as HTC.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some individuals consider, it would be more beneficial to expend more on public transportations which exist.
This
Linking Words
 essay delves into both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of view. One justification often given for making some strides in public
transportation
Use synonyms
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 governments assert that, it would be more profitable and economical. Many governments in
third
Linking Words
 world countries or in most instances in developed societies cannot afford to build another station for
transportation
Use synonyms
 or rarely has it done by a country.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it sounds more economical.
Also
Linking Words
 logic dictates that in
this
Linking Words
 way the public transport should undergo several important changes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 high-speed railways will encourage citizens to leave their cars at home, which will reduce road congestion and carbon emissions. Admittedly, in the status
quo
Add a comma
,quo
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 most of the trains do not work with fossil fuels and coal, so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can evade global warming.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another reason which matters the most is organization. In comparison to buses and other types, railways are made in a way to avoid being bustling and arrange people. Taking everything into consideration,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 strongly believe that, it is more profitable for governments to construct some high-speed railways
instead
Linking Words
 of going through
transportation
Use synonyms
 refurbishment.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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