IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#television #communication #friends #support
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I disagree that
television
Use synonyms
 has destroyed communication among friends and family mainly from three viewpoints which are
actions
Use synonyms
, contents of
communications
Use synonyms
 and the way to communicate. I will explain them in detail.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
actions
Use synonyms
 are important.
Television
Use synonyms
 has brought various effects to our
actions
Use synonyms
 and these facts have enabled
people
Use synonyms
 to do something with others. These
actions
Use synonyms
 with others must create
communications
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, we often go somewhere to buy what
TV
Use synonyms
 programs advertise . In these cases, we probably ask someone to go with us. Some researchers say that 50% of our purchase activities is caused by advertisements.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the communication
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
 creates bring a large number of benefits to
people
Use synonyms
. Thanks to
television
Use synonyms
, many
people
Use synonyms
 know famous actors, actresses and sports players,so they can talk about them with someone whom they are not familiar with. Similar cases
also
Linking Words
 happen not only in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
people
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 in something different
such
Linking Words
 as news.
For example
Linking Words
, I could talk about the election of Korea's president with my brother yesterday.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the way to talk is often changed especially in young
people
Use synonyms
 and creates a large amount of communication. If the way to talk is similar,
people
Use synonyms
 can feel closer and the relationships and
communications
Use synonyms
 must be improved. These days, famous phrases on
TV
Use synonyms
 are much used by young
people
Use synonyms
 and it accelerates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communications
Use synonyms
 in social media. Certainly, some
people
Use synonyms
 assume that
people
Use synonyms
 do not talk with their family while eating because they watch
TV
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, a lot of
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 show that
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 eating is not good for our bodies, so
people
Use synonyms
 should not do it anyway. In conclusion, we can deny the thoughts. Rather than, we can say that
television
Use synonyms
 creates our
comunnication
Correct your spelling
communication
.
Submitted by sutoku0718 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: