IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#television #communication #friends #support
I disagree that
television
 has destroyed communication among friends and family mainly from three viewpoints which are
actions
, contents of
communications
 and the way to communicate. I will explain them in detail.
Firstly
,
actions
 are important.
Television
 has brought various effects to our
actions
 and these facts have enabled
people
 to do something with others. These
actions
 with others must create
communications
.
For example
, we often go somewhere to buy what
TV
 programs advertise . In these cases, we probably ask someone to go with us. Some researchers say that 50% of our purchase activities is caused by advertisements.
Secondly
, the communication
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
TV
 creates bring a large number of benefits to
people
. Thanks to
television
, many
people
 know famous actors, actresses and sports players,so they can talk about them with someone whom they are not familiar with. Similar cases
also
 happen not only in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
people
 but
also
 in something different
such
 as news.
For example
, I could talk about the election of Korea's president with my brother yesterday.
Thirdly
, the way to talk is often changed especially in young
people
 and creates a large amount of communication. If the way to talk is similar,
people
 can feel closer and the relationships and
communications
 must be improved. These days, famous phrases on
TV
 are much used by young
people
 and it accelerates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communications
 in social media. Certainly, some
people
 assume that
people
 do not talk with their family while eating because they watch
TV
.
However
, a lot of
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 show that
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 eating is not good for our bodies, so
people
 should not do it anyway. In conclusion, we can deny the thoughts. Rather than, we can say that
television
 creates our
comunnication
Correct your spelling
communication
.
Submitted by sutoku0718 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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