IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many employees may work at home with modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

Due to
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 state-of-the-art technologies, remote jobs have become prevalent in recent times. Some may argue
this
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 offers many advantages just to clerks rather than employers. In my opinion,
this
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 method is beneficial for both sides, and I strongly disagree with the statement. There are several reasons why some may consider the positive aspects of working at
home
Use synonyms
 only for workers.
To begin
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 with, they do not need to pay for commuting to
Use synonyms
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
 location
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 well
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
no waste
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any public transportation or traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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;
thus
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 they tend to earn more than before,
in other words
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, making more money and comforting them.
In addition
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, remote workers will have a healthier lifestyle. Thanks to the extra time that
such
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job
Use synonyms
 conditions provide, they have enough time for exercise and most likely eat more homemade rather than convenience foods.
Finally
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, employees at
home
Use synonyms
 will not be monitored as much as they used to when their
job
Use synonyms
 was in-person since there is no manager or supervisor.
Therefore
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, there are many advantages for
home
Use synonyms
 workers.
However
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, these online works are beneficial for
job
Use synonyms
 owners as well. In
this
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 way, employers do not need to pay for resources
such
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 as equipment and a huge office building
while
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 they are inevitable for in-person jobs.
As a result
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, skipping these costly steps would increase the income.
For example
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, there is no spending on furniture or electricity.
Moreover
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, as employees have better communication with their co-workers
due to
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 using computers, they perform more efficiently.
This
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 increases the performance, resulting in more satisfaction for customers and
consequently
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, higher revenue and reputation for companies. A real-life example is a company where I work,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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since the sales representatives started working online the company’s sales have risen significantly. In my view, as the reasons mentioned, working at
home
Use synonyms
 offers vast benefits not only to staff but
also
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 to companies and I disagree that only employees take advantage of
this
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 style of working. In conclusion, despite the fact that many argue that remote jobs do not have positive income for employers and only
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
 the staff, as far as I am concerned
this
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 is not true. Working through the internet at
home
Use synonyms
 has been beneficial for companies’ owners and the workforce.

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structure
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are clearly discernible and effectively encapsulate the main points of the essay. Both should be distinct paragraphs that adequately frame the discussion.
paragraph structure
Work on developing a more logical structure within paragraphs, ensuring each has a clear and distinct main idea that is fully explored before moving to the next.
task response
Maintain focus on answering the question directly throughout the essay. Support each point with relevant examples and explain how they relate to the question.
coherence
Use a variety of cohesive devices and transition words appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs. Be cautious of overusing them, which can disrupt the natural flow of the essay.
language use
It is beneficial to work on paraphrasing skills to showcase a range of language and to avoid repetition. This can improve the overall cohesiveness and readability of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • retention
  • productivity
  • operational costs
  • bottom line
  • geographic location
  • absenteeism
  • global talent pool
  • collaboration
  • communication efficiency
  • remote work
  • employee performance
  • cost savings
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