IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others,however,believe that boys and girls benefit more attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #boys #girls #schools #benefit
according to
 a few people, academies should be separated for
boys
 and
girls
.
Whereas
 others think that the co-educational system is much
beneficial
Correct quantifier usage
more beneficial
show examples
 for them. In my opinion, it will be better to send
boys
 and
girls
 to the same institute. There are many reasons to send a child to a co-educational school.
Firstly
, gender non-discrimination takes place in
such
schools
.
Both
boys
 and
girls
 not only receive an equal level of opportunities but
also
 are trained in essential skills for their future.
Moreover
, students researching cooperation with each
other’s
Change noun form
other
show examples
 will
awake
Correct your spelling
awaken
show examples
 to the value of sharing.
For instance
, with the global co-operation trends nowadays,
both
 ladies and gentlemen collaborate closely if childhood used to learn in a unisexual environment,
thus
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they will easily get adjusted there.
On the other hand
, the different gender
schools
also
 had
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
their own reasons. Parents believe that these
schools
 can help their children concentrate on their studies. But, at a particular stage of
both
boys
 and
girls
, male and female friendship could easily distract them from their academics.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 is a unique reason making parents enrol their children in separate
schools
. Regarding all
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
, I personally
over
Rephrase
apply
show examples
agree that
both
boys
 and
girls
 should be encouraged to have an interaction with others. They can learn from each other.
Besides
, they could know the ways
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to behave
also
 respect
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their relationships. In conclusion. I do not see any good reason to choose separate
schools
 over the co-educated ones. Students adopt lifelong skills like respecting and cooperating so it is the best option to select
Submitted by tn.trannhan68 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay displays a limited level of coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is somewhat evident, and the introduction and conclusion are moderately present. The supporting of main points is not well-developed, leading to a lack of clarity and connection between ideas.
task achievement
The task response is incomplete and lacks comprehensive ideas. The examples provided are somewhat relevant, but the response does not fully address the task prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: