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Band 4

Online shopping is now replacing shopping in the store. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#store #development
Today, People's high demand for a convenient lifestyle has
been surged
Change to the active voice
surged
show examples
 in these days, and the internet shopping business is the best example that
represent
Change the verb form
represents
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 our future technology.
However
,
this
 phenomenon is overly populated in all market areas, which triggered the huge argument about the online market's negative and positive effects to
existed
Wrong verb form
existing
show examples
 market places. In
this
 essay, I am going to illustrate
this
 statement my opinion.
To begin
, online shopping service gave many benefits to numerous customers,
such
 as various information of products, and easy purchasing progress. Only a few clicks on the computer or a smartphone
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can save many hours to focus on their lives.
Moreover
, Online shipping service has been expanded and they are available for what an offline shop do,
such
 as product quality check, fresh food delivery, and so on. On top of that, a surge of online shipping marketing develops the common idea of purchasing behaviour to higher social value.
For example
, Nike, the sports brand company, create an online shop membership. It was a VIP benefit for the online customer that give additional various lifestyle activities. In another word, expanding online shopping services can give positive influence
people
Change preposition
on people
show examples
 and cultures. In conclusion, Today's Online shopping services
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 so
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
 for the future. And that's why I believe that the merit of shopping via the internet outweigh the demerits.
This
 is because
this
 gives more options and saves time.
Submitted by eunheaimo92 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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