IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Parents should not allow young children to play computer games. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#parents #children #computer #games
The advent of
computer
games
 has given rise to a new dilemma for
parents
, whereby some people suggest that
parents
 should prohibit their offspring from playing
computer
games
. I do not agree with
this
 idea; and rather propose a closely monitored and strictly scheduled digital playtime for juveniles. It is indubitable that
computer
games
 are extremely addictive for being developed in a way that they successfully lure adolescents to continue playing for a prolonged period of
time
.
Such
 a practice often results in loss of valuable
time
 and health.
Consequently
, it reflects on their academic performance through lowered grades, which is the leading cause of disappointment amongst many
parents
.
Hence
, it is justifiable for
parents
 to deprive their kids of any access to
computer
games
.
However
, some coexistent advantages of playing
computer
games
 must not be overlooked. Because most video
games
 require logical thinking, quick reaction, and problem-solving abilities, playing
such
games
 helps
children
 enhance their cognitive skills, and playing multiplayer
computer
games
further
 instils in
children
 the ability to work efficiently in teams. These skills, though developed inadvertently during playing
computer
games
, are generally proved to be determinative of a successful career. Notwithstanding the rationalisation highlighting the advantages of
computer
games
, full parental control and advisory is paramount.
Therefore
, the
parents
 must observe and regulate the
time
 their
children
 spend on
computer
games
 and other equally important activities. Apart from that,
parents
 must have the final say in what type of game their child could play because not all
computer
games
 are equally benefitting as some involve extreme violence could cause more harm than good. To sum it all up, I would like to acknowledge the immense benefits of playing
computer
games
 and reaffirm the belief that
parents
 should not feel tempted to isolate
children
 from
computer
games
.
Instead
,
parents
 should place themselves as the protective veil between kids and
computer
games
 by acting vigilantly and limiting the
time
 spent by them on
computer
games
.
Submitted by inder.australia90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: