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Band 5.5

It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behavior in addition to provide formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#responsibility #schools #children #behavior #addition #education
No one doubts that
school
education
 plays a significant role in people’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. People who receive
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
education
 and behave themselves properly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 are highly appreciated and recognized. Some people argue that schools should be responsible not only for the decent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of
students
 but
also
 for providing academic
education
. In the following
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss
this
 statement from my perspective. There is some truth in the above statement.
School
 is the place where
students
 are taught useful and valuable knowledge academically, in the meantime, teachers teach
students
 how to behave themselves in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
However
, the main task of
school
 is to give formal
education
 and develop
students
’ academic capability, because
school
 has the most decent amount of resources to achieve
this
 goal.
For instance
, professionally trained teachers and libraries with
thousands
Add the preposition
thousands of
show examples
 copies of academic reference books enable
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 to become an ideal provider of
education
. If
school
Correct article usage
a school
show examples
 spends too much time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching
students
 how to behave in
society
, it will be impossible for
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the educational function as a whole, to make it worse,
school’s
Correct article usage
the school’s
show examples
 valuable resources will be wasted. Family is the most important part of
society
 and family
education
 is the very first step in
cultivation
Add an article
the cultivation
show examples
 of a person’s moral
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
 and social behaviors.
Parents
 are the first teachers of their
children
.The reason is quite obvious that
children
 spend at least five to six years at home with their
parents
 or caregivers before they go for a formal
education
 in schools.
Therefore
,
parents
 shall set good examples and teach their
children
 some social rules and moral criteria in order to get ready for the
school
 environment.
Overall
, both
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 and
parents
shall
Verb problem
should
show examples
 take the responsibility of teaching
children
 to behave properly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
,
while
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
shall
Verb problem
should
show examples
 focus more on providing
students
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic
education
.
Submitted by sophie on

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Task Response
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are logically connected and there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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