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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behavior in addition to provide formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#responsibility #schools #children #behavior #addition #education
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No one doubts that
school
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education
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 plays a significant role in people’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. People who receive
good
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a good
show examples
education
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 and behave themselves properly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 are highly appreciated and recognized. Some people argue that schools should be responsible not only for the decent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of
students
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 but
also
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 for providing academic
education
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. In the following
essay
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essay,
show examples
 I will discuss
this
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 statement from my perspective. There is some truth in the above statement.
School
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 is the place where
students
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 are taught useful and valuable knowledge academically, in the meantime, teachers teach
students
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 how to behave themselves in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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.
However
Linking Words
, the main task of
school
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 is to give formal
education
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 and develop
students
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’ academic capability, because
school
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 has the most decent amount of resources to achieve
this
Linking Words
 goal.
For instance
Linking Words
, professionally trained teachers and libraries with
thousands
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thousands of
show examples
 copies of academic reference books enable
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 to become an ideal provider of
education
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. If
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school
Correct article usage
a school
show examples
 spends too much time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching
students
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 how to behave in
society
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, it will be impossible for
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 the educational function as a whole, to make it worse,
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school’s
Correct article usage
the school’s
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 valuable resources will be wasted. Family is the most important part of
society
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 and family
education
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 is the very first step in
cultivation
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the cultivation
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 of a person’s moral
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
 and social behaviors.
Parents
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 are the first teachers of their
children
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.The reason is quite obvious that
children
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 spend at least five to six years at home with their
parents
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 or caregivers before they go for a formal
education
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 in schools.
Therefore
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,
parents
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 shall set good examples and teach their
children
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 some social rules and moral criteria in order to get ready for the
school
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 environment.
Overall
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, both
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 and
parents
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shall
Verb problem
should
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 take the responsibility of teaching
children
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 to behave properly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
shall
Verb problem
should
show examples
 focus more on providing
students
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic
education
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.
Submitted by sophie on

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Task Response
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are logically connected and there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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