IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behavior in addition to provide formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

No one doubts that
school
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in people’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. People who receive
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 and behave themselves properly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 are highly appreciated and
recognized
Change the spelling
recognised
show examples
. Some people argue that schools should be responsible not only for the decent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 for providing academic
education
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. In the following
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss
this
Linking Words
 statement from my perspective. There is some truth in the above statement.
School
Use synonyms
 is the place where
students
Use synonyms
 are taught useful and valuable knowledge academically
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in the meantime, teachers teach
students
Use synonyms
 how to behave
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the main task of
school
Use synonyms
 is to give formal
education
Use synonyms
 and develop
students
Use synonyms
’ academic capability, because
school
Use synonyms
 has the most decent amount of resources to achieve
this
Linking Words
 goal.
For instance
Linking Words
, professionally trained teachers and libraries with thousands
copies
Change preposition
of copies
show examples
 of academic reference books enable
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 to become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ideal
provider
Fix the agreement mistake
providers
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
. If
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
a school
show examples
 spends too much time on teaching
students
Use synonyms
 how to behave in
society
Use synonyms
, it will be impossible for it to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the educational function as a whole
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 to make it worse,
Use synonyms
school’s
Correct article usage
the school’s
show examples
 valuable resources will be wasted. Family is the most important part of
society
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 family
education
Use synonyms
 is the very first step in
cultivation
Correct article usage
the cultivation
show examples
 of a person’s moral standard and social
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Parents
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 are the first teachers of their
children
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.The reason is quite obvious that
children
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 spend at least five to six years at home with their
parents
Use synonyms
 or caregivers before they go for a formal
education
Use synonyms
 in schools.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 shall set good examples and teach their
children
Use synonyms
 some social rules and moral criteria in order to get ready for the
school
Use synonyms
 environment.
Overall
Linking Words
, both
school
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 and
parents
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 shall take the responsibility of teaching
children
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 to behave properly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 shall focus more on providing
students
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 academic
education
Use synonyms
.

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task respond
State your main view clearly in the first paragraph and keep it. In this essay you try to say both sides; pick a line and stick with it, then add clear reasons.
coherence
Use simple link words to connect ideas, like 'also', 'but', 'however', 'for example'. This helps flow from one idea to the next.
coherence
Give a true example or situation to back up each point. The essay uses general ideas; more specific acts from school or home would help.
content
Clear view that both school and family share duties.
structure
Good structure with intro, body, and conclusion.
language
Uses simple words and easy to read.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • good behavior
  • character development
  • values
  • respect
  • kindness
  • interpersonal skills
  • empathy
  • conflict resolution
  • curriculum
  • social and emotional learning (SEL)
  • parental guidance
  • consistent environment
  • academic performance
  • engagement
  • collaboration
  • social cohesion
  • positive reinforcement
What to do next:
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