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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past 30 years that many cities in the world are now one big traffic jam. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can government take to discourage people from using their cars?

#car #ownership #years #cities #world #traffic #jam #measures #government #people #cars
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
last
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
show examples
, the number of people owning a
car
 has so dramatically increased that many cities are facing
traffic
 problems and the word is described as 'one big
traffic
 jam'. In my opinion, it is true that
currently
Add a comma
,currently
show examples
 we are having trouble with so many vehicles on the roads, but what
government
 can do to reduce the use of so many cars? Many cities, especially the big ones, like London, suffer from congestion
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 roads, even though many people use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transport
 it seems that many drivers still use their own cars. As long as someone
go
Change the verb form
goes
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 for a walk
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the city centre can understand that. Surprisingly,
for example
 from my
apartment
Add a comma
,apartment
show examples
 I can go to the city centre within 20 minutes by walk, but by
bus
Add a comma
,bus
show examples
 it will still take the same time! That happened because of the
traffic
 that the roads have. There is no doubt that except
from
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 environmental effect that all
this
traffic
 jam has,
also
 people are nervous for always spending that much time on their
transport
 and
government
 should take some measurements about it. It is obvious that the congestion charge for entering to the centre, the rise in petrol cost and the expensive
car
 insurance have not
discourage
Change the verb form
discouraged
show examples
 the drivers, so maybe it would be efficient if the
government
 invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public
transport
. More lines, even
more
Add the comma(s)
,more
show examples
 frequent schedules, to renovate the underground to make it bigger, more spacious, cleaner.
Moreover
, the fee ticket should decrease to be affordable and to create cheaper monthly bundles for cheaper
transport
. To sum up, it is undeniable that everyone
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 to move
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own
car
, but for the daily moves should
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 make more appealing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transport
 and that will be achieved if the monthly expenses will be much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
less than moving with your own
car
 and by having at least a bus stop within 3 to 5 minutes walk from your apartment.
Submitted by lecinikoleta on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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