IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

We live today in an electronic information age. It is easier to be connected by technology yet many people seem to no closer to feeling happy in their lives. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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It is real that we are living in the era of electronic information
that
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and
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 we can not doubt that it is easier to be connected to
with
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apply
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technology
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;
however
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, the involvement of
technology
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 still
left
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leaves
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 many
people
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left to live
Wrong verb form
living
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 no closer to feeling happy. In a personal view, I absolutely agree with these thoughts and
This
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 essay will discuss these problems.
Firstly
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, nowadays
technology
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 is not only improving the way
how
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apply
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people
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 communicate with each other, but
technology
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also
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 gives
people
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 more access to something that they never got before;
for instance
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, 20 years ago it was impossible to order vegetables within minutes from home, but now, even ordering a car can be done with a phone and will be sent right in front of your house in hours, or even minutes.
On the other hand
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, as social beings, humans need to have interaction with other humans. Sadly,
the
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apply
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technologies can not replace the way
how
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apply
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humans interact naturally and even make it harder for them to communicate physically;
for example
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, in
this
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 pandemic situation, a lot of
people
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 feel awkward communicating in video meetings and turn out to be depressed, yet they can still communicate with each other in virtual form. In conclusion,
the
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apply
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technologies will develop throughout the years, but the way
how
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apply
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people
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 communicate with each other can not change. It is not the
people
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's fault that they feel less happy in their lives, it is the technological development that sometimes
did
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does
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 not understand how human as social beings works.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the response fully addresses the task, includes all aspects, and provides a clear position throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas are generally connected and logically structured, but some points could be further developed or clarified for better coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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