IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Throughout history, male leaders always lead us to violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders, it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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During the centuries that humans have emerged in the world,violence was an inseparable aspect of their lives,which is attributed to the men's approaches
for
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to
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 conducting
the
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apply
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societies as heads.
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Whereas some
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Some
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 believe that
this
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 issue would be eradicated if women
are
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were
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 opted for as managers.
However
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, in my point of view,a mixture of both genders can be the best option for controlling the globe. One of the most highlighted requirements for strict rules would be touched in the occasion of war when countries suffer from different shortcomings that ultimately may
terminate
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result
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into
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in
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 being conquered by invaders.
For instance
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,if a soldier
does
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is
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 not
be
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punished vigorously,they may sleep
while
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 are supposed to be awake to guard,
hence
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,their enemy has the opportunity to surprise them.
Furthermore
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,it is vital for competing with other nations in various realms,
such
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 as either economic issues or military.As a vivid case,nowadays,we are witnesses
of
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to
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 frequent hacks that take place against some parts of the universe,which not only illustrate how other countries are ready for a crisis but
depicts
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depict
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 how they are active to triumph
the
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over the
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 weaker nations.
On the other hand
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,it is proved by science that females have softer feelings and attitudes in their interactions either in their personal linkages or in their vocational communications.
Therefore
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,more tranquillity will be bestowed
to
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on
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 divergent sectors of society.
Moreover
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,
while
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 all teams of authorities consist of women,the rate of harsh activities would decrease drastically.Namely,in congregations that are erected by females,more comfortability is experienced than the group of men,where usually political issues are the topic of their debates.
to conclude
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,owing to the character of the world and
also
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 the men's personality,mankind has experienced a lot of violence,which can be reduced if women collaborate with them.Owing to the differences in biological structure,they would complement each other and a mild approach
will
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would
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 be the offspring.

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task response
In your essay, you have provided arguments both for and against the idea of having female leaders for a more peaceful society. However, it is important to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion to ensure a clear position throughout the essay. Consider revising the introduction and conclusion to reflect your stance more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured and cohesive. To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on maintaining a clear progression of ideas within paragraphs and between them. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph relates back to the main topic and thesis of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender dynamics
  • militaristic policies
  • expansionist
  • diplomatic governance
  • risk-taking
  • societal norms
  • inclusive approach
  • collaborative governance
  • gender stereotypes
  • individual qualities
  • comprehensive approach
  • conflict resolution
  • aggression
  • historical context
  • colonial expansion
  • contemporary
  • male dominance
  • innate differences
  • peaceful governance
  • competitive strategies
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