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Band 4

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #measures
The average weight of
people
 in some part of the world is increasing
as a result
 their health and
fitness
 level decreased. In the following paragraph,
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
 and solutions of
this
 issue will be discussed and outlined in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
.
Firstly
, the main reason for
people
 to gain weight is
food
. More
people
 consume unhealthy
food
such
 as
Add an article
a burger
show examples
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
show examples
 or fried chicken as it is easily accessible
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to
other type
Change the wording
another type
other types
show examples
 of
food
. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the modern lifestyle,
people
 are having a
limit
Replace the word
limited
show examples
time
 for relaxing in one day as they are spending more than 8 hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For example
,
people
 who have a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 are rushing to
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 morning. They usually buy some fast
food
 for their breakfast as it is easy and quick.
Moreover
, these
people
 have less
time
 for exercise as they prefer to rest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their free
time
. According to these bad habits, it can surely cause a
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 health and
fitness
 level of
people
. To tackle these problems,
people
 should have more selection and more
accesible
Correct your spelling
accessible
 to healthy
food
.
For instance
, fast
food
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 should
also
 provide an option for healthy
food
 to support
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 who would like to have clean
food
 for their meal.
Furthermore
, to improve
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
fitness
 lifestyle, it would be a good idea for
office
Add an article
an office
the office
show examples
 building to have a
fitness
 room in order to encourage
people
 to do more
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 as they do not need to travel to the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 club or pay for
expensive
Add an article
an expensive
show examples
fitness
 membership. According to the causes and solutions discussed above, it can be concluded that the problem of the increasing of average weight can cause bad health level, and it should be solved encouraging
people
 to eat
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
food
 and do more
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
.
Submitted by nuanpan.aumm on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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