Some people think that the responsibility should be on the government for the rise of obesity in children, others think that the parents should be in control instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Owing to the increasing rate of obesity,some believe that authorities should tackle the issue,whereas others blame guardians as the main factor behind that.
However
Linking Words
,in my point of view, a collaboration of both can be more effective.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,the roles that both can play in
this
Linking Words
arena are uttered here. One of the most highlighted steps that are feasible by the participating of government to be taken has to do with enhancing the interwoven knowledge of people about both the probable disease of fatness and the positive footprint of controlling weights.
For instance
Linking Words
,if folks are aware of the subsequent illnesses,
such
Linking Words
as cardiovascular problems,
then
Linking Words
, they would hesitate in advance to be attracted by fast
foods
Use synonyms
or other high-calorie dishes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,implementing some rules to restrict the utilization of detrimental eatable resources can play a critical role as well.As a vivid case,not only considering some tax for gem
foods
Use synonyms
but
also
Linking Words
eradicating the associated advertisements will reduce the appetite of their fans.
on the other hand
Linking Words
,due to the direct connection that exists among relatives,it is more comfortable for the elderly to manipulate the diet of juveniles for the better.Either prohibiting their budgets or preparing healthy
foods
Use synonyms
with domestic ingredients can be beneficial.While they do not have adequate money for allocating to devastating nutrition,the rate of obesity will plummet drastically.
Moreover
Linking Words
,encouraging children to pursue body demanding activities
instead
Linking Words
of the sedentary lifestyle and gazing at mobile screens will have some positive footprints on their bodies,which used to be the routine of individuals,before the domination of technology.To enlighten,not only are their energy burned but
also
Linking Words
their temptation for fatty
foods
Use synonyms
would vanish,as they have strived a lot to lose weight. To conclude,based on the concerns regarding spreading obesity,some folks distinguish themselves from authorities to iron out the issue by looking for the guilty side.
Although
Linking Words
to me,an integrated function of government and parents may be the remedial idea to get rid of
this
Linking Words
shortening,whereas leaders have the capability raising regarded information and parents are able to monitor their scions' eating habits and activities.
Submitted by drpnima on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: