IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Paying for things using mobile apps is becoming more and more common in many countries. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#apps #countries #development
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Using mobile
apps
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of paying in cash has been more popular in several countries.
This
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 trend, despite the benefit of
money
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management
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, brings a greater disadvantage for society as a whole in terms of affecting citizens’ privacy
information
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. As one of the positive aspects, utilizing mobile
apps
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 makes
money
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management
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 simple due to the function of recording revenue and expenditure for each
payment
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 automatically.
For example
Linking Words
, according to the recent survey, 60% of individuals who installed and relied on
payment
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apps
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 answered that automatic records that are
trace
Add an article
a trace
the trace
show examples
 of
money
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 movement on the
apps
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 were useful for
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management
Add an article
the management
show examples
 of their total
money
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. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
apps
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 for
payment
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 were not invented,
people
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worldwide would not be able to manage their
money
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 as
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
easily as
contemporary
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the contemporary
a contemporary
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 world.
On the other hand
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, it can be recognized as a negative shift in view of involving
people
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 in a crime. There is a high possibility for
people
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 to be exposed to privacy invasions through registered personal
information
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 on the
payment
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apps
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. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, the public organization showed that 90% of users of
such
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apps
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 have a possibility to be theft
information
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 of bank account without
applied
Wrong verb form
applying
show examples
 a specific soft for
protection
Replace the word
protecting
show examples
 their
information
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 to their devices. If
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
 number of
people
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 take
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
show examples
 to pay in mobile
apps
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, the figure for the crime recognized as privacy theft will increase significantly. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the
payment
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 with using mobile
apps
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 is beneficial for
money
Use synonyms
management
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, there is
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 harmful effect in the increased crime which leads to the theft of personal
information
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by 100nami.d on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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