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Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). Do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
It is argued that unsalaried volunteer work like charity, sports lectures and taking care of the immediate surroundings ought to be made mandatory in
Correct article usage
the
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secondary
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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 curriculum. I am in complete disagreement with
this
 statement as will be explained in
this
 essay. Admittedly, there are some basic benefits of undertaking volunteer unpaid jobs in college. One of which is that it makes the youngsters responsible.
In other words
, the students are able to think of others rather than themselves as they take responsibility for other people's needs.
For instance
, in the UK, a lot of college undergraduates are taking up care work because it enables these youngsters to support others and give them a sense of worth.
Moreover
, the young adults could attend, support, and be empathetic to other people's needs
as well as
 their welfare
too
Rephrase
apply
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.
However
, despite the minor benefits associated with youngsters engaging in compulsory voluntary activities without pay, I believe that making community support compulsory is detrimental to the youth. One major problem is that it leads to distraction. The students will lose focus on their studies.
That is
, they get distracted and are not able to attend to their coursework effectively.
This
 will result in the undergraduates having poor grades as they attend more
to
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apply
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the voluntary job rather than their courses. These courses would assist them in the future to acquire profitable employment.
For example
, my neighbour's son, James, had to repeat his Senior Secondary School Examination because he volunteered to work for a Non-Governmental Organization, which took most of his study time and as
such
 he failed three critical subjects. In conclusion, despite the minor upside associated with doing unsalaried volunteer employment, I strongly disagree that it should be part of the school's courses as it can lead to distraction.
Therefore
, the relevant authorities should make it not mandatory for high schools.
Submitted by Florence on

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task response
Ensure to directly address the prompt and clearly state your stance in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Utilize clear transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
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