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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range of the years 1990 and 2010.

The charts below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range of the years 1990 and 2010.
#information #percentage #british #people #money #charity #age #range #years
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The chart illustrates the proportion of the UK population in different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 providing money to charity in both 1990 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most percentage of having given money to charity was the middle
age
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group
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ages
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 between 36 and 50 in 1990,
while
Linking Words
 the older
age
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group
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ages
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 between 51 and 65 provided the most financial in 2010. In the first three
age
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groups
Use synonyms
, the percentage
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sharply decreased.
However
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
 two
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
, there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 a slightly increased in proportions.
According to
Linking Words
 the first three
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
including
Replace the word
include
show examples
 the range of ages between 18 and 25,26 to 35 and 36 to 50. Focusing on the first
age
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group
Use synonyms
, there was a dramatic drop from about upper 15% to more than 5%.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
age
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 between 26 and 35, there was a decline from over 30% to under 25%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the middle
age
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group
Use synonyms
 made the highest percentage, there was a bit fall from about 42% to 35%. All three
groups
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 were changed in 1990 and the
next
Linking Words
 ten years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 two
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually rose from 35% to just under 40% and from about 32% to 35, respectively.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is obvious that all
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 expressed different trends in both 1990 and 2010.
Submitted by nopcharai.si on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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