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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#schools
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Bullying in schools is always a warning consideration
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is frequently brought
by
Change preposition
about by
show examples
 the unawareness of both the ringleader and the victim as well as the lack of caring from the responsible mentors: teachers,
parents
Use synonyms
, and guardians.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both causes
then
Linking Words
 give out equitable solutions. “Every
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
 were born with the kindest nature” (Chinese idioms).
First
Linking Words
 of all,
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 lack of awareness makes oppressors
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
 wrong
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
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 and aggressive actions towards their friends without feeling guilty.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the bullied one does not know how to protect himself by reporting to teachers or his own
parents
Use synonyms
 or even worse, he acknowledges
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the situation and accepts the bully as an unfortunate.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the responsibility from guiders plays a crucial role in controlling
students
Use synonyms
 what they should and should not.
For instance
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cases
Add an article
the cases
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 occurred in public schools, where one teacher have to take care of too many
students
Use synonyms
 in a class, because those teachers may make light of some conflicts between
students
Use synonyms
 leading to a bully.
Moreover
Linking Words
, A child usually looks up to their
parents
Use synonyms
 so he could easily be affected if their
parents
Use synonyms
 bring him up by shouting, hitting
when
Correct pronoun usage
him when
show examples
 he makes a mistake and
let
Wrong verb form
letting
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
him
show examples
 feel that violence is the best way to be the ruler. Correspondingly, the key method to solve school bully is making up the children’s minds, raising their sense of bully prevention by well educating from both sides. Adults’ interruption still has
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 prevention. Frequent talks with children can let
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 be willing to share if they have any trouble. In conclusion, oppressing in
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
show examples
 needs to be completely eliminated. The more healthy and
well educated
Add a hyphen
well-educated
show examples
students
Use synonyms
, the more good-personality and successful generation.
Submitted by halam07022002 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bullying
  • Harassment
  • Intimidation
  • Diversity
  • Adolescent
  • Mimic
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Cyberbullying
  • Peer pressure
  • Social acceptance
  • Awareness
  • Conflict resolution
  • Peer mediation
  • Consequences
  • Respect
  • Kindness
  • Open communication
  • Vulnerable
  • Buddy system
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