Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Bullying - is one of the main
problems
of all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
This
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
earlier life and still continues to bother modern society.
To begin
with
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
of the bullying , there
many
Add a missing verb
are many
show examples
reasons for
this
. Let's look at several main examples. At
first
, money is one of the vital examples . It's not a secret that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
many
people
used to
respected
Replace the word
respect
show examples
wealthy families.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
they used to bully
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
is poor and
despitse
Correct your spelling
despite
despise
despised
them. And
this
problem still continues even , in our modern , educated century. In the
second
place , health and
appearence
Correct your spelling
appearance
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
important to many humans . They like
good- looking
Correct your spelling
good-looking
show examples
people
. Even, some
people
consider that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
dressing is a key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
communicating with society. And students from poor families
and
Correct word choice
who
show examples
have some
problems
with their health are
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
bullied students in the schools.
This
affects decreases enthusiasm for learning and causes to be depressed. And their goals, dreams die. To solve
this
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
problems
I would suggest
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any educational places , like school , university etc. to
emloy
Correct your spelling
employ
more psychologists . And to work more directly with students. In conclusion , bullying, despiting and other actions are like
this
human's main lack .
However
, we cannot say that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
all
people
are like
this
.
Fortunatelly
Correct your spelling
Fortunately
Unfortunately
, there are many
geneours
Correct your spelling
generous
and understanding
people
. From my point of view , these good
people
helped us to live in peace.
Submitted by amankeldia72 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bullying
  • Harassment
  • Intimidation
  • Diversity
  • Adolescent
  • Mimic
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Cyberbullying
  • Peer pressure
  • Social acceptance
  • Awareness
  • Conflict resolution
  • Peer mediation
  • Consequences
  • Respect
  • Kindness
  • Open communication
  • Vulnerable
  • Buddy system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: