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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction
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The diagrams illustrate the modification of West
Park
Use synonyms
 Secondary School in the years 1950,1980 and 2010.Since it was established in 1950. From 1950 to 1980,
focusing
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on the changes of
houses
Use synonyms
 that
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 destructed and
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
replaced by a car
park
Use synonyms
 and science block in the
next
Linking Words
 thirty years.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the farmland which
situated
Add a missing verb
is situated
show examples
 under
houses
Use synonyms
 was modified into
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sports field.There was a school which was
next
Linking Words
 to
houses
Use synonyms
 has become the main building in 1980. From 1980 to 2010,the car
park
Use synonyms
 was extremely extended,so it made the reduction of the sports field and playground.
In addition
Linking Words
,other buildings remained the same.
To sum up
Linking Words
,from 1950 to the
next
Linking Words
 sixty years in 2010,it is readily apparent that the main road was unchanged.
However
Linking Words
,
houses
Use synonyms
,farmland,a car
park
Use synonyms
 and the science block were significantly adjusted by removing,expanding and replacing.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words park, houses with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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