IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Sugar
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 is an important source of energy for the body and has various benefits since it could absorb quickly and be used immediately.
However
Linking Words
, consuming too much
sugar
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 could cause more harm than good. Many manufactured
food
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 and drink
products
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such
Linking Words
 as fast
food
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 contain overdoes of
sugar
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 that the body needs. I definitely agree with the statement that higher prices on sugary
products
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 would help people avoid
health
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 problems and change their buying behaviour. Consuming high sugary
products
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such
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 as sugary drinks, candy, baked goods, sweetened dairy, and fast
food
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 could bring negatively affect our body in many ways. Eating these kinds of
food
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 could lead to some serious diseases
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and tooth decay.
In addition
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,
sugar
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 is lack nutritional value. Adding it to foods and drinks significantly increases their calorie content without adding any nutritional benefit. Increasing the price of sugary
products
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 is the best way to reduce
health
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 problems in order to change their buying behaviour.
For example
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, if healthy
food
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 is cheaper than fast
food
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, people will be turning to
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
 healthier foods more.
Moreover
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, when people tend to buy less sugary
products
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, it would encourage manufacturers to produce
products
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 with less amount of
sugar
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.
Thus
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,
sugar
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 consumption would reduce significantly and it would reduce overall
health
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 issues. To summarize, many manufacturers generate high-
sugar
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 foods that are harmful to our
health
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, increasing the price of sugary
products
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 could decrease the consumption rate of
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, It would
also
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 push producers to create
sugar
Use synonyms
-free goods.

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