Question: More and more people are migrating to cities in search for a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can government make urban life better for everyone?

The migration of
individuals
to developed locations
such
as cities in pursuit of favourable living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
is drastically overwhelming,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
there is a likelihood that
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
proportion of people
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
deprived and denied
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
meaningful expectancy.
Thus
,
this
essay will discuss the gruelling prospect and
also
render remedies government could adopt to ameliorate it. Transparently, densely populated locality encounters high cost of living in
Add an article
the
show examples
most sphere of infrastructures, overpopulation is a remarkable component of competition among residents which leads to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
in the cost of living .
Furthermore
, extreme population contributes adversely to
pollution
Add an article
the pollution
show examples
which deteriorates
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
of people in the cities and minimizes life span.
Moreover
, overdependence and reliability on fossil fuel by enormous population results
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
scarcity of natural resources.
Also
, solitude
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
gravely
exert
Change the verb form
exerts
show examples
much influence on
psychological
Correct article usage
the psychological
show examples
and emotional domains of
individuals
thus
leading to poor relationships.
Nonetheless
, these difficulties could be significantly tackled and alleviated, if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
could develop rural territories to fit into an
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
level by constructing viable social amenities
such
as industries and roads, creations of adequate employment for both skilled and unskilled personnel, and reduction of poverty by subsiding cost and concession of tax for indigent households.
Also
,
individuals
can contribute by adding worthwhile value to their immediate environment and utilizing every opportunity to develop it. In conclusion, most migrants are seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adorable and comfortable premises which profoundly leads to tedious living conditions which could be ameliorated, if government and
individuals
collaborate to
a workable solutions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a workable solution
workable solutions
show examples
. Please can someone vet my essay?🙏🙏🙏
Submitted by samsonriders on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: