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Band 5

Some people believe that childhood is the best stage of happiness.While others believe that a person can enjoy more happiness in other stages of life? Discuss both views and give your opinion?

It is often argued that
childhood
Use synonyms
 is the best phase of being happy, while others disagree and think that other phases of
life
Use synonyms
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 more happiness in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives. In my opinion, I believe that
although
Linking Words
 other phases of
life
Use synonyms
 offer us more freedom which brings
joy
Use synonyms
 in our
life
Use synonyms
, overall during
chidhood
Correct your spelling
childhood
 person stays
more happy
Replace the words
happier
show examples
 due to
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, being
Correct article usage
a teenager
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teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
an adult
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adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 offers us more freedom in our
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because one has to move away from home to
hostel
Add an article
the hostel
a hostel
show examples
 for studies.
As a result
Linking Words
, students will be no longer under the supervision of
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, they meet new friends and explore various things in their
life
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as they fall
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 relationships and
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 on solo adventure trips, which brings extreme
joy
Use synonyms
 in their
life
Use synonyms
unlike
Add the comma(s)
,unlike
show examples
childhood
Use synonyms
 where one has to live under
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 restricted environment.
For instance
Linking Words
, during my study in Japan, I have lived the best days of my
life
Use synonyms
 due to my good
friendship
Replace the word
friend
show examples
 circle.
Thus
Linking Words
, a great sense of freedom brings more
joy
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is often thought that
Use synonyms
childhood
Correct article usage
the childhood
show examples
 stage is more
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
. During
this
Linking Words
stage
Add a comma
,stage
show examples
 parents
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 all the needs and take care of children.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they stay
Add a hyphen
worry-free
show examples
worry
Change the verb form
worried
show examples
 free during
this
Linking Words
 phase, the only thing they care
is
Change preposition
about is
show examples
 to just study and play. They do not have to panic about the future and
this
Linking Words
 leads to extreme happiness in their
life
Use synonyms
. A recent study concluded that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people miss their
childhood
Use synonyms
 more
in contrast
Linking Words
 to other stages of
life
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
relaxed
Correct article usage
a relaxed
show examples
 environment brings
joy
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
childhood
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, despite being
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 brings a lot of fun in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. Personally
Add a comma
,
show examples
I believe that
childood
Correct your spelling
childhood
 is the most relaxed phase which showers a lot of happiness.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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