IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
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According to some people fixed age of retirement for everybody irrespective of occupation ,is not justified as they think some kind of
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 poses more strain on the mental and physical health of the employee,so they should offer early retirement and pension to compensate for the extra load on health.I will elaborate
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 on
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 issue in the forthcoming paragraphs and I think it should be fair for police officers,military officers, teachers,typists and radio technicians. The
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 of peace officers and military services involve the time dealing with criminals and enemies remaining on the edge, contributing to a high level of adrenalin- keeping them in the mode of fight and flight which in long term leads to stress disorders,
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 those workers deserve short service span with early pension privilege.
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,teachers have to use their voice all the time for teaching leading to vocal cord disorders and they can not serve after certain age means ,they should get a modified job or break from the job.
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 ,jobs requiring repetitive use of a particular part of the body like typists and computer workers, end up having issues like carpal tunnel syndrome with their wrist due to constant use so they deserve job rotation or premature retirement from
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 activities with pensions in hand,
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such
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 an offering will encourage people to pursue those kinds of professions where they have to do monotonous
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 or
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 in a challenging environment. In conclusion, I agree with the above statement insisting government and other agencies come up with that kind of perks for high-risk professions and set examples of rewarding the risk and dedication of those employees and motivating people for
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 risky but awarding jobs.
Submitted by mahesh029 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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