IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic wolrd. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #information #research #business #wolrd
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Some individuals have their beliefs that it is in the best interest
for
Change preposition
of
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 the rest of the
world
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, where information that has been gained in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scientific research, business and the academic
world
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 should be passed along amongst
others
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. While there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 other people that have their views that passing along valuable information
to
Correct your spelling
too
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 easy can only be a
disadvanatage
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disadvantage
. In
this
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essay
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,essay
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 I will explain both sides of
this
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 and share my own opinion. Sharing important
details
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to
Change preposition
with
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others
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 could give the possibility for these individuals that
recieves
Correct your spelling
receives
 it to share
valuabe
Correct your spelling
valuable
data
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 back.
Firstly
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, if the people in these different worlds were to give
eachother
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each other
details
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aswell
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as well
 as feedback, they would have the ability to receive both positive and negative
data
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 back. From there they will have a chance to correct their mistake and
also
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 be able to continue with their project.
For instance
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, if a
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businessman
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business man
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businessman
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 were to have some beneficial detail that would contribute to the
scientist
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scientist's
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 work and would share
this
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 along it could potentially lead to something huge that could change the course
on
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of
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 his project.
On the other hand
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, giving out
details
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that
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is
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are
show examples
 valuable
to
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too
show examples
 easy could lead to it
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 placed in the wrong
persons
Change to a genitive case
person's
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 hand. In saying that, there
is
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are
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 humans in
this
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world
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 that do not believe in other
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
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 right to live their lives as they please.
For example
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, in the middle east where the terrorist rules, if they receive that
data
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 it could be used in
negative
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a negative
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 way to harm
others
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 and have the ability
to
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apply
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become a disaster.
I
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It
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 has
also
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 been shown in a recent study that was done by NATO, that if we were to pass around information that
are
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is
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 both good and bad around the
world
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 for everyone to gain, it could be used
I
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apply
show examples
either way. To sum it up,it is beneficial for people in
the
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apply
show examples
different worlds to give
others
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details
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, but there is
also
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 a risk factor when doing so.
Therefore
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, I think it is more important to protect civilians than everyone having access to all the
data
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. I
also
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 believe it is crucial that
researcher
Fix the agreement mistake
researchers
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aswell
Correct your spelling
as well
 as other worlds do share amongst
eachtoher
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each other
 as long as
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
show examples
 safe to do so.
Submitted by Andrea Barreto on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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