IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. What do you think are the problems and how governments can tackle these problems?

#overpopulation #areas #governments
Nowadays, there is a growing tendency in the number of
people
 living in
cities
.
However
,
this
 novel trend is
theasource
Correct your spelling
the source
 of some major issues,
such
 as housing.
Firstly
,
this
 essay will discuss the challenges caused by overpopulation in non-rural districts and
then
 provide solutions in order to address the existing
problem
 effectively. The Main threat caused by
people
 flowing to
cities
 to live
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 housing, which is not a straightforward task to deal with. It is undeniable that the spare space in
cities
 for erecting buildings or houses is getting scarce day by day which leads governments
seeing
Change the verb form
to see
show examples
 skyscrapers as a solution.
As a result
, the overall view of
cities
is usually deteriorated
Change to the active voice
usually deteriorates
deteriorated
show examples
 and the places which are previously used for parks or recreation facilities are converted into tall skyscrapers.
For instance
, the research
recent
Replace the word
recently
show examples
 conducted by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of California at Los Angeles confirms that the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
land occupied for accommodating inhabitants in
cities
 is 65% and the figure is growing annually, accounting for 50%
last
 decade. The best solution to the
problem
 could be implemented by governments. Employment being the main reason for
people
 turning to
cities
 to live should be tried to solve with the help of creating job opportunities in rural districts. Building new factories, supporting local tourism as well as venturers could be efficient in coping with the
problem
 as they will create possibilities for
people
 to work and earn living.
For instance
, China is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 country
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can set a good example of managing
land
Add an article
the land
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 investing money in the development of rural areas. In conclusion, newly created job opportunities by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one of the best solutions to address the
problem
 of overpopulation in
cities
, which in its turn can cause problems
such
 as
dearth
Correct article usage
a dearth
show examples
 of land available to live.
Submitted by aytekin.b on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: