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Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory partofhigh school programmes To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #partofhigh #school #programmes
Some individuals argue that unpaid community service should be mandatory in high
school
 programmes. In my opinion,
that is
 a mistake because high
school
 students could take more advantage of their
time
 by learning new things. It is certainly true that people can benefit from doing charitable
work
,
however
, teenagers are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a crucial part of their academic life. They need to prepare for tertiary education and college degrees are getting harder every year.
Therefore
 the
time
 should be better spent learning the skills they are going to need in the future.
For example
, the tests to be admitted
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some university courses
such
 as medicine are getting more difficult because a wider range of knowledge is required to pass them.
This
 means that more
time
 must be spent studying subjects
such
 as biology even though the amount of
time
 teenagers spend in middle education has not changed. Another problem with
this
 idea is that if it is implemented, students would
work
 only because they need to do it and not because they want to help people.
This
 could make them think that all charitable
work
 is done only by people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are forced to do it. The empathy and altruism that are a fundamental part of helping others would be lost. An example of why
this
 can be problematic is that it is known that the most efficient charitable organizations are those with the highest proportion of voluntary
work
.
To conclude
, because high
school
 students need to focus on obtaining the skills and knowledge they are going to need after
school
 and because the key elements of charitable
work
 are gone when it becomes compulsory, I opine that the disadvantages of
this
 idea outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by ignaciogigli on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a well-structured response to the question, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have provided a clear and comprehensive set of ideas, and you have supported your points effectively with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • civic engagement
  • empathy
  • intrinsic motivation
  • volunteerism
  • compulsory
  • divert
  • instill
  • practical life skills
  • sense of responsibility
  • community service
  • active members
  • diverse communities
  • future careers
  • work experience
  • personal freedom
  • punishment
  • learning experience
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