IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Completing university education is the thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

#university #education #thought #job #hand #people #skills
It is often argued that tertiary
education
 is the most preferred way to attain better employment, whilst others
disgree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 and believe that having
experience
 and softs
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
kills
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
 is more beneficial.
This
 essay discusses both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
 and why I believe that
university
education
 imparts in-depth knowledge which plays a pivotal role in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 future career. On the one hand, there are people who believe that
experience
 and developing soft skills prove more advantageous in getting better
jobs
.
This
 is because it is highly competitive to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs
 these days. Most companies prefer candidates with
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of
experience
 and skills.
As a result
, they spend
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 resources on teaching fresh employees and it leads to enhance their
productivty
Correct your spelling
productivity
 at work.
For instance
, In India, the primary requirement of multinational companies in the IT sector is those candidates who have
minimum
Add an article
a minimum
show examples
 of five years
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
experience
.
Therefore
, in order to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
jobs
 students should possess qualities like teamwork, positive work
ethics
Fix the agreement mistake
ethic
show examples
 and time management skills,
in addition
 to
experience
.
However
, I agree with those who believe that completing
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
 plays a crucial role in obtaining better employment. It is certainly important to have tertiary
education
 because it provides in-depth knowledge of
subject
Add an article
the subject
show examples
 which makes the students stand out among the crowd. To illustrate
this
, a study concluded that students who have completed tertiary
education
, have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 probability of landing
up with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
good
jobs
 in
comparsion
Correct your spelling
comparison
 to those who have only
experience
Correct your spelling
experienced
show examples
 and no degrees.
Thus
, having
university
 degrees completed enhances the chances of getting better employment. In conclusion,
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
possessing
experience
 and traits like creative thinking and leadership can be helpful in securing better
jobs
. I firmly believe that
university
 degrees have
upper
Correct article usage
the upper
show examples
 hand in obtaining good
jobs
.
This
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 it enriches the knowledge which is beneficial in
future
Add an article
a future
the future
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: