IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people compain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

#people #compain #difficulties #lack
Not having sufficient sleep has been becoming an annoying issue in recent periods.
This
 problem may be difficult to get enough sleep nowadays. The following paragraphs will examine the cause of lack of sleep
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and recommend some practical solutions. Lack of sleep is caused by many reasons. One of the major reasons is overload works and people do not have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good
time
 management with them.
In other words
, the workers may focus on work so much that they can not spend
time
 sleeping enough. Another reason is that someone does not recognize
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
well-being,
Therefore
,the negative effects will
be happened
Change to the active voice
happen
have happened
show examples
 in the future certainly.
For example
, our brain becomes blurred and unable to work effectively. It comes from neglecting to sleep for a long
time
. To tackle
this
 problem, there are several things that everyone can resolve.
Firstly
, many people should take attention to the importance of
health
, especially, they have to manage with sleeping
time
, according to the suitability of ages and activities.
That is
 because
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good management of sleep will make us have more efficiency
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 working. Secondary, many workers should hurry up to finish their working
time
 and try to create a good schedule for reminding them.
Finally
, I have been researched some
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 about long-term
health
, and it explains that not getting enough sleep can cause early physical deterioration and be short-lived. In conclusion, Lack of sleep is largely caused by poor
time
 management of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and neglect
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
health
 effects, which can be long-term effects.
Therefore
, everyone should focus on their
health
 seriously, and they will have to manage moment of work that it does not disturb their bedtime.
Submitted by belleyuykb on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: