IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays, there are many sources of
food
Use synonyms
products
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, adding
high
Add an article
a high
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
sugar
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on
Change preposition
to
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 their
products
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, which can impact
to
Change preposition
apply
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consumer health. Some
people
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 argue that should increasing those
Use synonyms
products
Change noun form
products'
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price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 to convince
people
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buy
Add the particle
to buy
show examples
 less of them. In my opinion, I strongly believe that the solution to increasing the price of those
products
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 is not the main point to solve the problems.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who eat bread for breakfast every day if a producer sells price up. It definitely affects a customer who only has a limited budget for meals per day.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, educating
people
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 to know about
food
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 diet.
For instance
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, Thai
people
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 like to eat Thai
dessert
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desserts
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 which they put several kinds of
sugar
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such
Linking Words
 as brown
sugar
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, palm
sugar
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, and syrup.
These ingredient
Change the determiner
This ingredient
These ingredients
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 can be affecting to
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
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 blood heath, so the researcher recommends to
people
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 use Xylitol, which is a natural
sugar
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 alcohol found in plants, including many fruits and vegetables. It has a sweet taste and is often used as a
sugar
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 substitute.
Moreover
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, set
scheduled
Correct article usage
a scheduled
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food
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 plan diary,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 one meal should including with
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
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 and fruit, not only just meat.
This
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 is a good way to remind
people
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 to get enough
food
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 per day. And
also
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 set time to exercise to burn calories.
For example
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, they should go out
to
Change preposition
apply
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jogging or go to the gym two or three times per week. In conclusion, I think
made
Wrong verb form
making
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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sugary
products
Use synonyms
 more expensive is unnecessary to protect consumer health. But obviously, the significant solution to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem is understanding what they eat and their lifestyle.
Submitted by alexcoclanis on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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