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Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Nowadays, there are many sources of
food
products
, adding
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
sugar
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
products
, which can impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consumer health. Some
people
 argue that should increasing those
products
Change noun form
products'
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 to convince
people
buy
Add the particle
to buy
show examples
 less of them. In my opinion, I strongly believe that the solution to increasing the price of those
products
 is not the main point to solve the problems.
For example
,
people
 who eat bread for breakfast every day if a producer sells price up. It definitely affects a customer who only has a limited budget for meals per day.
On the other hand
, educating
people
 to know about
food
 diet.
For instance
, Thai
people
 like to eat Thai
dessert
Fix the agreement mistake
desserts
show examples
 which they put several kinds of
sugar
such
 as brown
sugar
, palm
sugar
, and syrup.
These ingredient
Change the determiner
This ingredient
These ingredients
show examples
 can be affecting to
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
show examples
 blood heath, so the researcher recommends to
people
 use Xylitol, which is a natural
sugar
 alcohol found in plants, including many fruits and vegetables. It has a sweet taste and is often used as a
sugar
 substitute.
Moreover
, set
scheduled
Correct article usage
a scheduled
show examples
food
 plan diary,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 one meal should including with
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
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 and fruit, not only just meat.
This
 is a good way to remind
people
 to get enough
food
 per day. And
also
 set time to exercise to burn calories.
For example
, they should go out
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
jogging or go to the gym two or three times per week. In conclusion, I think
made
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary
products
 more expensive is unnecessary to protect consumer health. But obviously, the significant solution to solve
this
 problem is understanding what they eat and their lifestyle.
Submitted by alexcoclanis on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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